Mary, Mary quite contrary. How does your garden grow?…

by Joy Monger

…with cocks and balls and silver tails and little squirrels all in a row…wait, that can’t be right…

I was doing a little nursery rhyming in cubicle world at work today when I realized I wasn’t singing any of the correct words to this little diddy. So of course, we looked it up on wikipedia. It’s the source of all things correct and factual.

Turns out the rhyme is one big English diss about Mary Queen of Scots’ barren womb and how her husband cheated on her because of it (turns out it isn’t “cocks and balls” but “cockle shells”).

Kind of hurtful, right? Why the hell do we sing this to children? It’s almost as nurturing as that rhyme about the baby who falls out of a tree because its parents rocked it too hard. Why did you put your baby in a BOUGH in the first place???

Ever notice how English people are so good at making terrible things sound pleasant? I can’t help but smile when someone calls me a wanker with a British accent. I don’t know what it means but it sure sounds nice…