She Gives Good Lawn

by Joy Monger

I’ve purchased special bras and tight pants and painful shoes and way too many hair products all in the hope that it would attract the opposite sex. But mostly all it got me was greasy hair and maybe some inappropriate glances (my eyes are up here buddy!).  Men mostly seem oblivious…

But hot damn, do I get a nice lawn and suddenly every dude that comes over perks up and takes notice.

“Nice yard.”

“Lawn looks good.”

“Can I come over and mow your grass?”

“Hey baby, what kind of fertilizer are you working with?”

It’s like being cat-called at a construction zone. Only, it’s grass.

I don’t get it. Seriously, I’d tear the whole thing out and add some xeriscaping if it weren’t such a man magnet.

I’m getting rid of my wonder bras and learning all sorts of sexy words like “aerating” and “sprinkler system”.  Oooh, ya…I love how trim those edges…