Being Worthy

by Joy Monger

 

 

In the past I’ve been that person that yells “I LOVE YOU!” but I really meant “PLEASE LOVE ME!”.  I was that naked person without a shirt that Ms. Angelou warned you about.

I’m not so certain anymore that the people I dated in the past were the “bad guys” I made them out to be, but maybe just normal guys who dated a really insecure person (me).  I’m still pretty sure they were really lame; did I mention one of them broke into my house and ate all my toast after breaking up with me, (click here to read about that one) but I now realize I also played a part in our demise.

If I had honored myself enough to just walk away, my toast never would have been stolen. Literally and metaphorically.

Sometimes it’s still a struggle for me to consider myself “worthy” of love. So I push buttons, test the boundaries, I yell “I Love You!” just to hear it said back to me. In the beginning of my current relationship I would say things like “I’m not sure this is going to work” when I really meant “I’M SCARED! Hold me like a child and tell me it’s all going to be okay.”  I don’t do that as much anymore.

Mostly I know in my bones that, though flawed, I am a good person who deserves good love. And when I say “I Love You” it’s because I really do love me, and I love you, and most of all, I love us.

But I still like it when you hold me like a child.

 

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