The Joy Project

Little Moments of Big Love

Category: lexicon

catachresis example in tom robbins’ still life with woodpecker

Sometimes people will do a google search for a particular word and it will bring them to my blog.

Usually the word they are searching for is  “quirky”, “eating in the bathtub”, “cat lady”, etc. You get the point.

Behind the scenes, I can tell which search terms are most popular. Supposedly, I can leverage these google searches to see what is bringing traffic and use it to get more readers for my blog.

Yesterday someone searched google for “catachresis example in tom robbins’ still life with woodpecker” and it brought them to my blog.

I am certain they were grossly disappointed and did not find what they were looking for among my love letters to Tina Fey, wine, neuroses, and my Grandpa. For this, I am sorry.

I don’t even know what “catachresis example in tom robbins’ still life with woodpecker” means, but I definitely want to have dinner with the person that searched for it.

And I hope they found what they were looking for.

PS: Another popular google search that brings people to my blog is “does a dead mouse smell like sour milk?”. Next time I’m feeling bad about myself, I think I’ll curl up with a nice mug of hot tea and remind myself that even though I am an unemployed cat lady, I do have the market cornered on inquiries about sour milk and dead mice. Aces.

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Your Epidermis is Showing

The other day at work we had cake. And we ate it really fast. And I commented “wow, we really mainlined that cake.” And my co-worker asked “what does ‘mainline’ mean?” and I said “I don’t actually know. I think it’s like we ate it fast. Like we took it to the house. We killed that cake.”

But I realized it was kinda weird that I was using a word that I didn’t really know. So I asked a few other co-workers if they knew the word “mainline” but no one did.

Then I brought it up again at lunch and someone kindly pointed out that it was a junky term for injecting heroin directly into your largest vein. Good thing I kept saying it at work. About frosting.

A few days later I commented that a stressed out co-worker was “tweaking”.  Apparently that word refers to meth addicts who have done too many drugs.  Nicely done me.

It’s a little bit ridiculous that I wander freely around this town uttering really offensive things in the most inappropriate of settings and have no idea that I am doing it. Apparently I’ve been walking around sounding like a trucker all-the-while thinking I’m cute as pie.

I think it’s what happens when you are a nerdy child who is able to read adult books but not understand them. I know how to say these words but have no clue what they mean…

The worst of it came this weekend while camping with the new man friend.  We were at 11,000 feet and it was cold so we had our sleeping bags pulled up around our heads like mummies. I asked him if he had ever worm wrestled at a slumber party when he was little. He thought this was really funny. Apparently boys don’t have ‘slumber parties’ and when his friends did sleep over they didn’t stand up in their sleeping bags with their eyes closed and run into each other (worm wrestling). Supposedly they didn’t freeze the first person to fall asleep’s underpants  or draw kitty whiskers on each other either, but I’m not sure I believe him.

So I said, “well I’m sure you’ve done this before” and started to roll over him in my sleeping bag. And then I yelled “Cleveland Steamer!!!” at which point he proceeded to freeze and get the most terrified look on his face.

I asked him what was wrong and he said “don’t you know what a Cleveland Steamer is?” I said “ya, we did it all the time. It’s when you roll over someone in bed.”

Apparently it is in fact when you are having sex with someone and you poop on them and then roll around in it. The words I was looking for were actually “Steam Roller!!!”.

An honest mistake.

Poor guy thought I had brought him up to the mountains to poop on him and I was just trying to bond over childhood games.

That same night he had to warn me against using the term “glory hole”.  Apparently it’s not the warm halo of light that surrounds you when you’ve done something well.  Who knew?

I’m just glad he explained this all to me before I went home and bragged that my new boyfriend let me Cleveland Steamer him in my sleeping bag. My work friends would have loved that…

Como Se Dice Trigger?

Though I have travelled around Mexico and South America quite a bit my spanish skills are lackluster and center around flirting, swearing, and ordering extra cheese.  I can talk about how much I love the beach and how many sisters I have and I even know the word for goosebumps and mushrooms. But everything I can say is based around the frivolousness of travel and self discovery.

I don’t know any vocabulary about say, the components of a gun or the rules of goat tying (this has actually come up before).  So translating into spanish for real life situations is basically impossible. My co-workers say “don’t you know spanish?”  and I have to explain that I am rendered mute unless I’m talking to a cute boy or have already had three tequila shots.

But today at work we were in a pinch and needed to call a client about canceling a meeting. There was no one else to do it so I ponied up and made the call (the very sweaty, nervous, awkward call).

It was pretty cool. I think I might have told her I needed to borrow her boomerang but I’m pretty sure she got the point.

A Case of The Vapors

Grandpa and I chatted this week. He is a lovely, ridiculously healthy 87-year-old man whom I respect very much.

He told me he has “the shingles”. I think it’s really funny when people add “the” to a health ailment.  Shingles are nothing to laugh at but adding “the” sure is.

We tease my good friend about having “the gout”. It makes him mad…it makes me laugh.

Currently I am unfortunately stricken with “the insomnia” but I’d love to come down with a chronic case of “the hotness”.

Your Hubris Is Showing

I’ve been using the word “hubris” a lot this week.

As in “damn, that bratty kid is really exhibiting the hubris of youth…”

I think it takes a lot of hubris to regularly use the word hubris.

Jump The Shark

Jump The Shark: is a idiom used by TV critics and fans to denote the point in a television program‘s history where the plot spins off into absurd story lines or unlikely characterizations.

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